Guys and girls! Get ready for laying your hands on one of the most sought after secrets in the universe-the way to become irresistibly confident.
Yes! The elusive charm you covet and hanker to conquer-it’s time you acquire it.
The best part? It doesn’t take long before you evolve into a person
with the confidence of Hercules.
Let’s start with the definition.
What is ‘Confidence’?
When you look that word up in the dictionary, the definition you come across is as following:
“A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.”
That is according to Merriam-Webster.
According to International Oxford Dictionary:
“[Confidence is] A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.”
The above two phrases are more than enough to tell us that Confidence is nothing but self-assurance.
It is a belief in one’s ability to do whatever one wants and handle obstacles deftly as they arise.
It comes from a thorough understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses BUT focusing mainly on strengths and constantly minimising weaknesses that one possesses.
Most people tend to assume that you are either born confident or you are not.
As most of the things that society leads you to believe,this one is also F-A-L-S-E!
You can develop rock-solid confidence if you lack in this department.
It takes some time and effort on your part but the end product of yourself after the process is something you will be very proud of.
People who you think are naturally confident,are the ones who got praised a lot during their childhood so they developed a strong belief in their abilities and developed a strong sense of self.
95 percent of us didn’t have that luxury.Maybe your parents yelled at you whenever you did something horrible,and at the same time didn’t get very excited when you achieved something great.
As a result,you developed a belief that you are no good, and hence you developed little to no confidence in yourself.
WHY CONFIDENCE IS REQUIRED?
Why develop confidence?
Confidence is essential to excel in life’s various aspects.Studies
have revealed that the persons who are confident…
»Have more friends than people who are not confident.
»Get better jobs
»Get paid more
»Get more attention from the opposite sex
»Are listened to when they speak, as compared to less confident
personalities who are often talked over and ignored
»Get admired by people
»Are made leaders to guide others
»Tend to take more risks
»State their opinions clearly and ask for what they want,hence get
more out of life
»Live a happier and more fulfilling life
….and I can go on and on.
The people who are confident also look very attractive and exude an
aura of calmness and control over every situation.
Therefore,it is not only important,but REQUIRED that you develop confidence if you aim to take on the world with pride.
WHY MOST PEOPLE LACK CONFIDENCE
As we have touched on before,most people who are not confident were not recognised well in their childhood.
Their accomplishments of excellence were not held in glory and they had to settle for the statements like-
“It’s no big deal….a blind man with no legs or amputated hands could have done that better than you…”
from their parents and peers and thus their beliefs were shaped poorly and didn’t develop a good opinion of themselves.
The confident persons on the other hand,were commended immensely even on their slightest achievements, so they developed high regards of themselves.
Childhood and adolescense phase in your life played an important role towards how you feel about yourself right now.
That being said,you can develop confidence no matter how horrible you think it is now.
Science has given us ways to forge ourselves into a better human,and in this article, Iam going to tell you how.
Enough with all the chatter…let’s get this started!
HOW TO DEVELOP ROCK-SOLID CONFIDENCE
There are two ways you can go about to develop your confidence and you must go both,for one without the other would be like Superman without his cape (yes I’m still not over the Batman V Superman movie).
There are External Ways and are Internal Ways.
External Ways will boost your confidence fairly quickly and require very little effort on your part.These are the things you can employ today to APPEAR more confident.
Internal Ways will require some heavy work and dedication but will make your confidence iron-clad and impenetrable.
LOOK YOUR BEST
The absolutely easiest way to increase your level of confidence,is to look better than you look right now.
Nobody is going to take you seriously if you look like a hobo.
You can do this in numerous ways such as:
•Grooming yourself up
•Getting a new haircut.
If you have been wearing the same haircut for more than two years,it’s time to get it changed for better.
Go to an expensive hair stylist and give him the permission to make your hair the way he (NOT You!) thinks will look best on you.Just ask him to make it super stylish and watch how much difference, something as silly as a haircut, makes in your appearance.
•Getting new and stylish attire.
Take your friends to shopping and ask their opinions.
Girls are more fashion perceptive than guys,so they will have easier time with this.
Guys,if you got any female friend of yours,ask her to go with you.She
will prove to be a fashion expert, free of cost!
•Whitening your teeth if they are yellow, by taking an appointment with a good dentist.
Straighten crooked teeth and get them aligned.
Your teeth is going to be the first thing someone notices when you smile.
Your face is like a bill-board advertisement of you,so put effort into making it the best you can.
•Losing your weight if you have more fat in your body than necessary.
Stand infront of a full length mirror, look at yourself and truthfully ask-“What about me can be improved?,”then go out and make that right,no,make it the best.
It’s going to be a worthwhile investment.
IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE
In 1971, Albert Mehrabian published a book ‘Silent Messages‘, in which he discussed his research on non-verbal communication.
He concluded that prospects based their assessments of credibility on factors other than the words the salesperson spoke—the prospects studied,assigned 55 percent of their weight to the speaker’s body language and another 38 percent to the tone and music of their voice.
This makes a total of 93% of the entire communication by non-verbal factors such as body language and voice tonality and mere 7% to the words we use.
Although,I doubt the 93% rule,there is some truth to it,so it makes sense to improve one’s body language to communicate confidence and charisma.
1)Stand with your feet shoulder width apart.
This is a power pose and it forces you to open up,which subtly communicates fearlessness.The persons who open up are the persons who are not afraid of anybody hurting them.
2)Always lean back and relax.
Make yourself as comfortable as possible in any environment you are in.
Remember,always design and re-design your environment for your maximum comfort.Relocate things if you have to,to make yourself restful.
TIP:- Ask yourself how would you behave if you owned the place you are in right now,then behave likewise.
So,let’s say you are in a hotel,ask yourself-“How would I behave if I owned this place?“,then emulate whatever comes to mind.
It will transform the way you interact with your environment.
3)Take up lots of space.
When you are out in a restaurant or a cafe,use two chairs if you use only one.Use the other chair to keep your stuffs like your jacket,or your bag.If nothing else,put your feet on it.
Again,the idea is to make yourself as comfortable as possible.
The more space you use,the more confident you are perceived by others.
4)Slow down your movements.
Slow movements convey control.
Walk slowly with a swagger like a lion taking a walk in his territory.
Look straight ahead,above the horizon.
Avoid jerky movements at all costs as those make you look nervous and restless.
TIP:To keep your posture upright while standing and walking, imagine a string pulling you upwards by your head like a puppet.
This visualization significantly betters the posture.
To improve the posture while sitting,visualize that you are balancing
a book on your head.
How would you sit then?
This automatically improves your sitting posture.
5)SPEAK IN A LOUDER VOICE
Confident persons are not afraid to speak their minds and, when they speak,they do so LOUDLY and sharply.
There is no “arr” or “umm” in their speech.There is no place for doubts.
They say what they mean and mean what they say.
Also,deepen your voice a little.Your voice should rise from your abdomen and not from your nose.
Studies indicate that the deeper and louder a person speaks, the more dominant and confident the person is perceived.
Start speaking louder.
Let your voice open and roar.
What?You think you are loud enough?
I always thought I spoke loud enough,until one day my mentor asked me to speak louder than usual.
I thought he was being nuts,but hey,he was my mentor and I had to
follow his guidelines no matter what.
The next day,I started speaking louder to the extent where I could swear that I was shouting and somebody was going to ask me to turn down the volume of my voice.
Instead,the entire dynamics of the interaction changed.
People gave me way more attention than they previously did and nobody interrupted me until I finished my sentences.
I was stunned.
Loud voice is now a natural part of me.
Another point-Speak slowly.
People those who speak fast, do so because they are afraid that they will be interrupted.
Also, people with higher IQ tend to speak faster than usual.
6)Slow down your speech.
If you are interrupted while making a point,let the person, who interrupted complete his blabber,then tell him that you do not like to be interrupted while you speak.
Speaking slowly will also give you control over the flow of interaction.
Never be afraid to look directly into another person’s eyes.
Studies reveal that the more you look into other people’s eyes when you speak,the more confident you are perceived to be.
The converse is also true- the LESS you look into others’ eyes when THEY speak,they tend to assume that you are more dominant and more confident than they are.
Practice looking straight into people’s eyes without averting your gaze first.
Burn them with your look.
This ofcourse, is easier said than done.
A direct eye contact makes us feel vulnerable because it sub-communicates confrontation.
That is why it is advised to not look directly into the eyes of caged or tamed animals because it tends to make them aggressive and can physically assault you.
To practice the eye contact,start by wearing sunglasses and looking directly into the eyes of the person you walk by on streets.
You will notice that the threat you feel when you make a direct eye contact WITHOUT wearing sunglasses,is gone.
Ever heard “Eyes are windows to the soul”?
It’s more true than you realise.
You feel revealed and naked when you happen to make a direct eye contact with another person,and the one who looks away first,loses.
Subconsciously, he is defeated by the person who keeps eye contact.
It is,therefore,extremely important to make direct, unapologetic eye contact.
When you become comfortable looking directly into other persons’ eyes with sunglasses,remove them and practice making it with bare eyes.
It will be a little tough,but I did the same exercise years ago,and now,I gaze without a flinch to look away and let me tell you,it feels powerful.
Now this may seem a little over the top,but it’s really not.
Some guys and girls I’ve met are insanely sorry all the time and for almost everything.
›”I’m sorry for disturbing you…”
›”I’m sorry for saying my opinions…”
›”I’m sorry to offend you…”
›”I’m sorry for taking too much space…”
›”I’m sorry for looking at you…”
›”I’m sorry to hurt your feelings…”
Sorry…sorry….sorry…it feels as if they are sorry for their existence.
Hey,listen if you got a personality,you are going to polarise.
That means if you portray a personality,some people are going to like you while some are going to hate you for who you are,no matter what you do or who you become.
You don’t have to be sorry to be YOU.
Do NOT be sorry for everything.
Practice saying sorry ONLY when you do something stupid which leads to financial or physical damage of another person, like when you put a dent on somebody’s car or you hurt somebody physically unintentionally.
Those acts are dumb and require an apology on your part.
Other than those two,I don’t think you owe somebody any apology for anything.
Start living and STOP apologising.
PUT YOURSELF INTO SITUATIONS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL SHY, TIMID OR WEAK
Today,make a commitment to yourself to daily involve in one thing which makes you feel timid or scares the hell out of you.The only pre-requisite is that the activity should be legal.
Make your life worth living.
Every activity you involve in will strengthen your belief in yourself
and your abilities.
Find out your passion and start living it.
How most people choose to live boring and unadventurous lives is beyond me.
Make your life superior.
When you will have much experience than others,you will naturally have more confidence than them.
Learn to live every moment.
So,there are your ways to increase your confidence instantly and with minimal effort.Apply the things mentioned above and your confidence will begin to soar.
Remember,you must APPLY what you read in order to make a difference.
Remember what Confucius said…
“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”
Reading these practical tips for pure pleasure and killing time is not going to make you a confident human being.
In the next article,I will unveil the practices to make your confidence bullet-proof internally.
Until Next Time,