Peer pressure is one of the most infamous causes for the derailment of a person from virtue and propel him on the track of vice.The guys and girls,who are otherwise noble and upright,are stained with the immorality and indulge in reproachable activities due to it.
I define ‘Peer pressure’ as the psychological pressure exerted by the peers or the people at the equivalent position of a person,which compels him/her to act according to the propensity of the group (peer).
I proclaim that peer pressure is more psychological than physiological because if a person doesn’t acts according to the proclivity of the group,he is retorted to the statements of shame,ridicule, guilt and in some cases,experiences psychological abandonment from the group altogether.
Thus,to avoid the ramifications of going against his peers,he gives in to their demands, even if he has to go against his own code of conduct and ethics.The person then proceeds to rationalise his actions in order to feel justified by what he has done.
Peer pressure compels a person to participate in activities such as…
Therefore,to avoid the courses of action which one is unwilling to act upon,one must overcome peer pressure at all costs.
WAYS TO OVERCOME PEER PRESSURE
Let us now focus on ways by which you can overcome peer pressure.
Most of the advice you get is very generic and doesn’t get into the roots and radically lacks depth.They tell you to say this or that or to avoid the situation.
Frankly,it doesn’t work.
The advice below is the core.
If you develop and maintain the attitudes below,you will NEVER need advice on what to say or do,you will know it all by yourself.
Yes.It is number one for a reason.
The reason you give in to the demands and persuasions of your peers is because you lack rules in your life.
If you formulate rules for yourself and stay steadfast on them,you
will be unshakeable.
But before we get into formulation of rules,let me clarify some very important things,call them pre-requisites if you will.These are some things you must keep in mind,so listen very carefully:
• YOUR RULES SHOULD ALWAYS BE FOR YOU AND NOT FOR OTHERS.
The thing with the rules is that,if you impose your rules on others,you will end up getting frustrated.This is because everyone has their own set of rules and regulations they abide by.Hence,they react negatively when they are forced to follow someone else’s defined set of rules.
That is why it is a tendency of people to break rules in schools,colleges and offices.
If a rule is imposed on a person by an outside force which is in direct violation to their’s,you bet that they are going to attempt to violate it sooner or later.
Always make rules for yourself and never for others.Let THEM decide themselves their regulations.
•YOUR RULES SHOULD BE FIRM
Your rules should be firm,un-alterable and non-negotiable in every way.
Let’s suppose one day your friend approaches you with a very strange offer-he wants you to murder a guy with him and he proposes this in a very grave manner.
How do you react?
Do you agree?
How about he says “Let’s do this just for fun once,to see how it feels like,and we won’t do it ever again.Promise!”
How would you react to this statement?
Considering you are normal,functioning human being,you will be horrified by the twisted idea.Maybe you will call the cops to inform them about the crime that your friend is about to commit.
Why didn’t you give in to his persuasions?
Let’s also assume that he FORCES you to involve with him.
What would you do now?
You will fight with all your strength to prevent him from making you
commit the crime.
No matter how good of a friend he is,you might even punch him in his face if you have to.
You know the reason?
Because unconsciously you have set a rule for
yourself that no matter what anybody says,you will NEVER kill
This should be the case with the all the rules you make for yourself.
In case when someone asks you to violate it,you look at him in horror.
“No way!” you should scream.
Your rules should be set on stone.No if,and or buts.
•ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR RULE
The third thing to keep in mind is that,you must follow all your defined rules yourself first at all times.
If you set a rule to never smoke until you turn 25,then you must follow it with all of you.If you don’t follow your rules yourself,people will conclude that you are wishy-washy and will push you further against your them.
Therefore,it is imperative that you follow all your rules and never stray from them,even if it means punching your best friend in his face.Literally.
Let us formulate some rules for ourselves.
Take out your journal.
By the way,if you don’t write a journal,then I strongly urge you to start writing one.It not only helps you to keep record of your days but also achieves a host of other benefits like…
+exposing a behavioural pattern of yours
+making you an optimist
+planning for the day ahead and
+sharpening your memory.
Takes about 10 minutes and the foredeal is massive.
If you don’t have a journal at hand,then a piece of paper and a pen
would do fine.
Start writing rules for yourself.
It’s going to be your testament,so take your time and then write.
Write down what you will absolutely,positively NOT accept from anyone.Set your boundaries and be specific.
It should not be fuzzy like “I will not drink alcohol”,instead,make it more specific and clear like “I will not indulge in drinking until I turn
25”,or yet better, “I will NEVER indulge in drinking.”
To give you an image of how rules look like,Iam telling you some of MY rules…
>I will never smoke.
>I will never involve in alcohol or drugs abuse.
>I will not get into a monogamous relationship with any girl until I turn 24.
>I will never deceive any of my friends.
>I will ALWAYS tell the truth,no matter whom Iam speaking to.
…you get the idea.
Ponder about it and write as much as TEN RULES.
It need not to be perfect and you can alter it later if you like,but for the moment,brainstorm and write.
In order to make your rules firmer,here is a neat little trick I learned sometime ago.
Below the ten rules,write the Statement Of Commitment.
Statement of commitment is the statement you make which solidifies your obedience to your rules.
You write statement of commitment to make it evident to your sub-conscious that you are going to follow these rules at every breathing moment.
Statement of commitment should not be hard and can be as simple as–“I commit to follow the above rules with all my heart and no one can persuade me otherwise.”
Now just below your statement of commitment,make your signature along with today’s date.
This confirms it to your sub-conscious that you are integrating a new way of acting and thinking starting right this moment.
Great!This is your credo now and you should act according to it at all times and should not go against it.
It will be tough at first,but it will be reinforced everytime you follow YOUR rule instead of someone else’s.
The second attitude to adopt is that of the Confrontation.
Confrontation means to challenge or to oppose or to deal with.
In our case,it refers to-to challenge or to oppose the advances made by your peers in order to involve you in activities that you don’t want to get involved in.
More acceptable and common term for confrontation is Assertiveness.
When you confront or oppose your peers on their negative requests,like alcohol or drug abuse,you exhibit strength and conviction to stay staunch to your ethics.
Your unwavering attitude will send an explicit and loud signal to them.
NEVER be quiet since being quiet will have adverse effect.
You might think that if you remain silent,then,after some time your
peers will stop bothering you.
Doesn’t work that way.
SILENCE IS NOT DENIAL.
Moreover,silence is interpreted as: “Ask me once more and I will agree”, which you want to avoid.
Speak out loud and clear and let them know your boundaries and that they are NOT allowed to flout it under any circumstances whatsoever.
Also,you must NEVER fear confrontation for it will make you seem weak and timid.
Just the act of looking them in the eyes and sternly refusing their persuasions will go miles in establishing your boundaries and making them clear that somethings are unacceptable to you and they should respect that.
If they still insist that you act according to their demands,then you must take the last action of discipline…you leave.
ABANDON YOUR PEERS
The last and strictest measure you can take to avoid constant nudge,is to abandon your peers.
If you are relentlessly pushed by your friends to go against your declared code of conduct,you must not think twice before absconding from the group for better.
You are better off alone than being with persons who don’t respect
your boundaries and your decisions.
The persons who coerce you into actions that you are not interested in, will not be much of good friends anyway and will always discourage you and cease you from improving yourself and your career.
A good friend is full of empathy and will support your decisions that are beneficial to you and prevent you from sabotaging your own
Find them and associate with them.
It might be a little hard to abandon your group and connect with new people and make new buddies,but it will be worth your time,effort and future.
“You are who you surround yourself with.”
Therefore,surround yourself with the quality people who are achievers themselves and also motivate you to achieve what it is that you want out of life.
Most people actually pretend to be your friends when infact they are
nothing more than parasites sucking the life out of you.
AVOID THESE PEOPLE!
Peer influence can be good if it forces you to better yourself.
If,for instance,you are friends with the guys who are proficient at computer programming and you don’t have a clue about it,then you are compelled to become a master computer programmer yourself.
That peer pressure is good and required.
On the other hand,a negative peer pressure will make you do things worse than your nightmares and it is an abyss very very hard to escape from.
Employ the techniques laid out in this article to overcome peer pressure and maintain your dignity.
Also let us know your opinions about peer pressure in the comments below.
Until Next Time