Yes, I wrote such a compelling title on purpose. And if by any stroke of luck you are here, then I can say two things about you for sure:
1) You live in India
2) You have tried losing weight before, but failed miserably.
You have done all the diets, and consumed numerous weight-loss supplements from countless fitness magazines, but all you have lost is hope that you can be a lean and fit individual.
Relax. I understand your frustration. I have a cure.
What I am going to share with you today is as close to a fat loss miracle as it can get.
The fact that you are here is proof that you have some extra body fat that you want to get rid of.
So consider today your lucky day, because you are going to learn the secret that all the fat loss supplement companies have been hiding from you.
And you know the best part?
Anybody can do it.
Oh, and by the way, did I mention that it’s absolutely free?
Yup, you wouldn’t have to pay a single dime to lose those annoying love handles. If anything, you are only going to profit from the approach.
There, now you got no excuses to get in shape.
Tempted by the huge claims? They will be delivered, I promise.
First Things First…
Before I tell you the ‘technique’ that will actually let you to lose fat, let us have a look at some of the traditional methods of losing weight that either:
a) don’t work, or
b) are an extremely inefficient route to take to reach to your desired weight.
These are the pitfalls that I personally fell into while trying to shed body fat.
Why am I telling you these?
Apart from the fact that it makes google happy, I want you to be aware of all the ways that you could be hurting yourself in your weight loss journey.
Let’s face it- losing weight is a serious topic.
Many people struggle all their lives to get in shape, yet many others never succeed at all. Therefore, it’s important for you to be aware of all the mistakes that you could commit while trying to get slim.
I am also telling you these because I am a good person. Just wanted to get it out of the way.
We good? Alright let’s get started!
Dieting And It’s Problems
The very first approach that people adopt whenever they are trying to lose weight, is going on a diet.
Now what is a diet? What do someone mean when they say they are on a ‘diet‘?
A diet, by definition, is a way of restricted eating, in which a person has to exclude certain foods for a period of time in order to either gain, or lose weight, or otherwise influence health.
In simpler terms, in a diet you are allowed to eat certain foods, and prohibited from the others.
There are a number of diets in the fitness industry nowadays, and a new pops up every month. There is the Low Carb Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Paleo Diet, Ketogenic Diet and many more. There is even a diet for bodybuilders, known as The Anabolic Diet, which claims to produce the results similar to taking steroids. I doubt that, obviously.
Here’s the thing though- I am not a fan of dieting at all. I am an anti-diet person. I believe diets don’t work.
And no, I am in no way questioning the effectiveness of the aforementioned diets, because some people employ them and get fantastic results.
But that’s the whole point- it is for some people.
These comprise of the ones who are in the fitness industry, whose entire lives revolve around being remarkably fit, or the affluent who can afford the luxury of a personal trainer to look after what they eat every second of the day.
You and me are regular people. We wake up and go to our jobs, we spare time for our friends, we have to make time to go for the date this afternoon. It’s a hectic lifestyle.
Remember that diet is not something you do or act. Once you adopt a dieting regimen, it becomes your lifestyle. You are incorporating it into your life along with the other nuisances that you have to take care of every day (remember that date?).
And that’s where most ( almost all) diets fail.
The primary problem with all the fad diets is that they completely restrict from eating certain foods. This creates friction with your lifestyle.
So let’s say you are on a Paleo diet, but your friend has his birthday in the coming weekend. Imagine your situation when you are saying no to the food just because it is loaded with carbs. *crickets chirping*
And then there is your son’s birthday, but you won’t eat the cake, because it’s sugar and bread.
But hey, we both know that it sucks to be a party pooper, and saying no to your son (who is holding a piece of chocolate cake right in front of your mouth), is an abomination.
So what do you do? You take a bite, a small one. That won’t hurt. Then you take another bite. You will make up for it by doing an extra hour at gym, you figure out. And then another one. Pretty soon, the diet you had is out of the window, and so are your fat loss plans.
You get on the weighing scale a week later, and the damn needle doesn’t budge. You don’t lose even a pound.
You figure out a lame ass excuse like weight loss is not for you, which is a complete bullshit.
The answer, as you will find out later in the article, is not in ‘eating’ certain foods and eliminating others completely, but in ‘not eating’ excess of anything.
The Christian Bale Diet™
Then comes the infamous what I call as the Christian Bale diet™.
Actually I meant something more like this:
Most people (including me), in order to lose pounds off their waistline as quickly as possible, take a route that is way more extreme than a simple diet- they starve themselves.
They literally eat about a few hundred calories a day, and expect the fat to melt right off their bodies.
When you think about it, it sounds logical- if you lose a pound being in a slight caloric deficit, then eating even lesser calories would result in a faster weight loss.
Well, let’s just say it’s not that easy.
The name Christian Bale diet comes from the fact that the famous actor ate nothing but an apple and a can of tuna for months to get sickly slim for his role in the movie “The Machinist” (pictured above). (Off topic: If you haven’t seen the movie, steal it from one of your buddies and watch it tonight.)
While you may lose a few pounds lightening fast using this diet, you will fail miserably in the long term. I realized this fact just after a week of adopting this diet.
Following the Christian Bale diet I suffered the following consequences:
- Extremely low energy levels
- Excessive sleep
- Mood swings
- Problems in the digestive tract
- Hormonal imbalance
Ah! I am guilty of being stupid. What can I say? Lesson learnt: I am not a superhuman that I make myself to be.
Our body needs sufficient amounts of macro and micro nutrients to perform optimally. I knew it, had definitely read about it, but didn’t realize it until my health deteriorated by adopting the unhealthy eating regimen.
You may be questioning yourself now- Why did Bale had to not face these problems? Well, like I said in the first point, he had a team of professionals monitoring his health, and well being 24×7.
Not for me.
The Rebound Effect
Another reason you must avoid crash diets such as the Bale diet is the rebound effect these have, as soon as the diet is over.
Rebound effect is the phenomenon where in you gain all the weight back as quickly as you lost it, once the diet ends. In the fitness industry, this is commonly referred to as “Yo-Yo Dieting.”
Imagine going through all the pain and suffering for a couple of months of starving yourself like a victim in a concentration camp to lose weight, only to gain it all back after the diet is over.
Now that is a scary thought.
The Lure Of The Fat Loss Supplements
“Take this pill a day for 30 days, and the fat will melt off your body like ice-cream from the cone.”
You might have seen countless commercials touting the benefits of a ‘new found fat loss supplement‘ prepared by a team of ‘experts’ which ‘gets rid of all the fat over night‘ and morphs your mid section into steel six packs.
Or how about this one- “Unknown herb discovered by an ordinary monk living in the Himalayas helps reduces ten pounds of weight in ten days flat.”
Or even this one- ‘The secret to Hollywood physique! Learn about the secret recipe used by the Hollywood stars to get fit for their roles…”
I could go on and on. But you get the point.
The bottom line is this- you can’t lose weight over night. Just like you didn’t gain it in one day. It wasn’t like you ate Mac Donalds’ gang-bang an afternoon and were over-weight when you woke up the next day. (For those of you who are wondering about it- yes, they do have a burger called gang-bang. Yes, I was surprised too.)
Your current weight is the result of all the poor choices and mistakes you made in your eating habits, and you are going to fix them all- one at a time.
There are no shortcuts.
You gained weight gradually. And that’s how you are going to lose it- one pound a week.
Does that mean you have to curb the incessant munching on your favorite chocolate cookies? Yes. And donuts? Yes. And what about that gang-bang? Yup. Because like I’ve always said- you can’t be the batman and superman.
There are no ‘herbs’ or ‘pills’ that will undo all of what you had done to your body all these years. It’s you who has to get serious and begin taking care of your very first home- your body.
It had put up with everything you had been doing and stuffing yourself with, up until now. It’s time you show some respect to it and begin taking good care of it.
Wait a second, did I get too sentimental there? Shit. Happens when Iam in flow.
What I am trying to get across (finally), is that it’s all up to you. Don’t put all the responsibility of losing weight on some over-the-counter capsules recommended by your friend Daisy.
It won’t work. You will only get yourself disappointed and conclude nonsense like ‘Being over-weight is in my genetics.’
Don’t fucking kid, man.
Problem In The Indian Food
And at last, but not the least, let me reveal a problem in the Indian diet. It’s important that you know about it, because not knowing it can really set you up for failure in your fat-loss journey. And the issue is huge.
Indian food is all carbohydrates
Yes, boys and girls. The food that you consume in the morning, afternoon and night is the collection of carbohydrates.
Hold on a second here, Kumar. You mean that all the pulses (Dal) I have been consuming is full of carbohydrates? Come on, I’ve read in my text books and magazines that pulses are an extremely rich source of proteins in my diet. You mean they are wrong and you are right? I think you are an idiot.
Alright, folks. Settle down. I got you.
I never said that pulses do not have proteins in them. They do. But they also have carbohydrates in them- large quantities of it, more than they have protein.
Here’s a snapshot of the macro nutrients in the typical Indian Dal:
Courtesy: My Fitness Pal
As you can clearly see that the macro distribution in Dal is quite different than what you might have lead to believe. Which proves me right (again), and your textbook wrong. Yet another reason to do your own research before you make up your mind about something.
What about your beloved Rajma?
Well at some point even I used to believe that Rajma is the most protein rich food for vegetarians.
Yes, it might be the most protein rich food, but it’s also carbohydrate laden. Have a look at it yourself:
Courtesy: My Fitness Pal
And for the love of god, let me show you the truth about Roti:
Courtesy: My Fitness Pal
Now listen folks, when we are talking about losing weight, it’s important that you reduce the amount of your carbohydrate intake. Eating more carbohydrates leads to belly fat.
Listen closely- you have to limit, NOT completely restrict your carb intake. There is a difference.
But as I showed to you, all the primary food in India are the sources of carbs.
“So what do I do?” you ask.
“Do I eat nothing but vegetable salad, day in and day out?”
Hopefully no. We have already covered that ground, and seen the negative impact such a diet can have on your body. (Christian Bale diet™)
“Is it then to pack my belongings and move to a foreign land where meat is the primary food?”
I would say that sounds like a good plan, but hey, not everybody wants to abandon their country. (But feel free give me a call if you ever decide to move to a western country. Would be happy to join you.)
Alright. Then what?
You do what I did.
Did I eliminate all the carbohydrates from my diet?
I live in a fuckin’ hostel and I can’t cut out carbohydrates from my diet even if I wanted to because Dal, Roti and Rice is all that is served in a hostel mess.
There is a better and easier way to get around this problem.
The solution is something that has been a part of traditional Indian lifestyle but had been side tracked as we got more influenced by the western culture in the past decade.
Enough of dancing around the topic- here’s the answer that you really came looking for:
Intermittent Fasting, popularly referred to as IF, is currently the easiest and most successful way of losing fat, without losing your sanity, or following rigid and complex diets.
It is the single most defining factor that helped me drop down my body fat percentage, all the while preserving my muscle mass, and made my six packs visible.
And the best part?
I ate the regular food- the same old Dal, Rotis and Rice.
I guarantee that if you religiously follow IF, along with the guidelines I provide in this article, you will lose fat. Your tummy would be flat in as little as 12 weeks!
Not only that, but research has shown that following IF results in boost in metabolism, reduction in insulin resistance, decrease in the blood sugar levels, improved brain function, detoxification of liver, and lower risks of heart diseases.
What Is IF?
You may now be wondering, what the heck is Intermittent Fasting?
In the easiest words, Intermittent Fasting is the protocol of fasting, that is, not eating anything for a certain period of time, and then consuming most of your calories after the fast.
It’s worth noting that IF is not a diet, but a pattern of eating. You cycle between periods of fasting and eating. You don’t eat anything for a part of the day, and then satiate your hunger in two or one large meal(s).
Nuts And Bolts
I know, you got a little confused with the formal definition and just want to know how to implement it. Here is all you need to know about it:
There are two kinds of intermittent fasting systems wildly popular in the fitness industry nowadays that you can adopt- 16/8 and the 24 hour fast.
One that I follow everyday is the 16/8 style.
In the 16/8 type of fasting, you have your last meal of the day (dinner), after which you don’t eat anything until 6-7 hours after you wake up the next day. This is how it goes:
Let us suppose I have my dinner at 9:00 pm on Monday night, and resign to my bed. I wake up the next morning on Tuesday, at 7:00 am and do not eat anything until 1:00 pm. This way my body remains in a fasted state for 16 hours straight. After having a good lunch at 1:00 pm, my next meal is dinner, at around 8:30 or 9:00.
It’s simple- you just have to skip your breakfast and push your lunch till noon, and avoid snacking before dinner.
Does that scare you? Not eating breakfast? After all, your whole life you have been fed (pun intended) that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Contrary to the conventional wisdom, breakfast is NOT the most important meal of the day. In fact, eating breakfast only slows you down and makes you feel groggy.
The belief that you should and must have breakfast, is pushed by cereal companies to market their stuff and increase profit. Skipping breakfast has shown to have remarkable physio and psychological benefits.
Anyways, back to what I was saying, remaining in the fasted state for an extended period of 16 hours gives the body the adequate amount of time to burn the fat in your body. This process is hindered when you gulp down a bowl of corn flakes the first thing in the morning.
I follow this pattern every day of the week.
The 24 Hour Fast:
If you are determined enough, and you think you really need it, I strongly suggest you to incorporate the next kind of IF- the 24 hour fast, also known as Eat-Stop-Eat method, along with your regular 16/8.
It’s similar to the 16/8 method, only you don’t consume any calories for a period of 24 hours- a whole day ( as if you already didn’t guess it.)
That means you eat dinner at 9:00 pm on Monday, and don’t eat anything until Tuesday dinner- 9:00 pm.
This approach is to be followed twice a week, and never on two consecutive days. I had my 24 hour fasts on Tuesdays and Saturdays when my focus was on shedding fat.
Nowadays my goal is building muscles, so I have stopped following the 24 Hour fast, as it was getting difficult to be in a caloric surplus required to get buff.
And by the way, this is not something that I pulled straight out of my ass. It’s well researched and popularized by a guy called Brad Pilon.
Brad is a nutrition professional, who has over seven years of experience in the nutritional supplement industry.
According to Brad, we all have “backwards idea” when it comes to losing weight, wherein our focus is on what should we eat to lose weight.
The reality is nobody lost weight eating something. That’s the whole premise of the weight-loss supplement companies- that you must consume their pills or their powder to lose weight. And it’s so wrong, and deceptive.
Weight loss is simple- you avoid eating certain foods in large quantities. The focus should be on ‘not eating‘ rather than ‘eating‘ something, to shed pounds.
This is how Intermittent Fasting, and the 24 Hour Fast came into existence. And since their inception, millions of people around the world have adopted it as a lifestyle, and got lean.
Marketing: Get Brad’s fabulous book on 24 Hour fast, “Eat Stop Eat“. It’s jam packed with researches that prove the efficacy of the method, and by the end of the book you will be convinced enough to give the technique a try. I know I did.
You will be directed to the Amazon page for the purchase of the book. It goes without saying that this is an affiliate link, and I will receive a small commission from your purchase. I will use this money to pay for cab on my late night trips to strip clubs.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some of the more frequent questions that people ask me when I tell them about IF. This will clear up some of the doubts that you might have in your mind right now:
1) Can I drink fruit juice during fast?
No, you cannot. Fasting means you don’t consume any calories in any form. None.
2) Can I have black coffee during fasts?
Yes you can. But a better alternative would be to have a glass of warm
water with lemon juice.
As a matter of fact, you are allowed to drink the following beverages only:
- Black Coffee
- Green Tea
- Sparkling Water
- Lemon Water
Anything other than those, is a no-no.
3) Can I drink beer?
No. Re-read point number 3.
4) Can I eat/drink/sip/gulp down xyz?
Okay, Iam going to say this for the last time, and you better keep it in mind- YOU DO NOT CONSUME ANYTHING DURING THE FASTS! (except water, of course).
AM I CLEAR ENOUGH?
5) Won’t 24 hour fast send my body to starvation mode, and slow down my metabolism?
That’s an intelligent question.
For decades now, theories such as “you should eat six times a day to keep your metabolism fire burning” have been pushed by so called fitness experts.
But that’s just a myth.
As Brad clearly explains in his book, the rate of your metabolism remains unaffected up until 72 hours after you stop consuming calories. On top of that, your growth hormones shoots up when you willingly abstain from eating anything for a predetermined period of time.
6) Won’t I pass out if I don’t eat anything for a whole day?
First few days into fasting, you will feel extreme hunger pangs, and your belly will definitely make some grunts. But as someone who has been fasting and doing intensive weight lifting for over six months now, take it from me, you will not pass out and break your ribs, while climbing stairs.
7) Can I have sex while on a fast?
Hell yes! I would go as far as saying that you should have sex every second during the fast. Cunnilingus, blow-jobs everything’s fine. Go wild.
If you think this article was useful, help me spread it to the ones who need it-
Guidelines To Follow
Here are some of the guidelines that you must keep in mind if you want the weighing needle to go down the next time you step on the weighing machine.
Often times, people don’t pay attention to these details and get less than satisfactory results. I want your results to be optimal.
You will notice that it’s all common sense, but I am going to tell them anyways because it’s my blog, and I do whatever the fuck I want. Now shut up, and pay attention.
1) No fruit juices
Yes, I know that you have been told that fruit juices are good for your health and make you strong and yada yada yada, but I am here to tell you they are not.
Fruit juices that come in tetra packs are essentially sugar. They are what you may call as ’empty calories’- meaning they have a large calories, but don’t make you feel sated.
I recommend to have a serving of a whole fruit instead (Guavas are my favorites). This way you will get all the vitamins and minerals, along with the fiber which will make you feel like you ate something.
2) No processed foods (exception: milk, oats, and yogurt)
Anything you find in your kitchen that comes in a package should be in your dumpster. Yes, that includes Maggie noodles. Throw it out.
3) No road side junk foods
That means no chowmein, no tikki-chaat, no veg rolls, egg rolls, chicken tikka, biryani, pani-poori, chhola-poori, lauda-lehsun etc.
It’s been over six months now since I ate any junk food. I miss my sweet little pani-pooris a lot, but my health is more important than the delicacy.
4) Stock up on green veggies
When you prepare the next grocery list, it should include lots of green veggies such as cauliflower, cabbage, tomato, spinach, bottle-gourd, sponge gourd, bitter-gourds. Pretty much everything that is green is healthy- it’s less calories, more nutrients and more filling than a piece of pastry. Which brings me to another point-
5) Eliminate sugar
Anything and everything that contains artifical sugar is to be treated as an alien remain, and get rid of immediately. Bakeries to be treated as Area 51, and you need to stay away from them if you value your life.
6) Drink lots of water
Increase your water intake significantly. Most of the people I know don’t drink enough water. Make sure that you
drink at least four liters of water in a day, or close to it.
Final And Most Important Word
I consider this the most important segment of the article.
I have given you the tool and revealed all that helped me drop my weight. And if you implement everything that I have outlined in this article, you will lose weight. There is no doubt about it.
But, I want you to be real about your weight loss.
I know you want to lose weight, and I know you want it fast. I understand that you are tired of being over-weight and be ridiculed, and mocked by everyone because of the ‘extra flesh’ that you carry. But you must remember what I said earlier- you have to take this for the long term.
You cannot rush the process. Building a better and a healthier body takes time just like anything else.
I used to weigh 75 kgs, and it took me over three months of dieting and exercising to reach my desired weight.
Set your deadline accordingly. It’s going to take some time and effort on your part.
Its easy to pick up a couple of sandwiches and dessert from subway on your way to your office. It’s hard to eat good and clean.
It takes a certain level of commitment.
That is why not everybody has his or her dream physique, because honestly, not everybody is willing to put in the work and go through the hardship to attain an impressive body.
Only you decide which category you will fall into- the ones who succeed and get admired, or the ones who fail because they lack the determination.
Also please remember that the real secret to losing weight is in being consistent, not in going extreme.
And don’t go pigging everything under the sun once you reach your desired weight. Ease into it. Instead of the whole piece of the pastry, take a small bite. Enjoy it, and don’t give into temptation.
It’s the best way to lose weight, and keep it off for life.
There you have it, fellas. That is all you need to know about fat loss and the easiest way you can get rid of that layer of fat on your waist.
Give it a shot, so you can once again fit in the 32′ sized jeans you used to wear when you were twenty something.
If you have any doubts, and questions, feel free to harass me in comments section below.
And I hope you purchase the book so I can keep visiting Laura, my favorite stripper. I am her regular and she gotta eat too, you know.
Now get on with life, motherfuckers, and leave me the fuck alone.
Until Next Time,