This is one of the most important posts you are ever going to read, so I want you to focus.It is also a very complex post and extremely hard to integrate in your behavior,but it is a hard-work which is going to elevate your life to soaring heights.
If there is one thing I could teach you to become more mature and rational,it’s to control your feelings. This is because nothing,and I seriously mean NOTHING will impede your growth like letting your feelings run you and your life.The wisdom lies in feeling what you want to feel and then let it drive you where YOU want it and not where IT wants you to drive.(Don’t worry if the statement sounded uncanny,you will soon grasp it.)
Cambridge Dictionary defines ‘Feelings‘ as:
“Emotions, especially those influenced by other people”
According to International Oxford Dictionary,’Feelings’ are:
Feelings, as I define, are powerful stimulating emotions which often makes you do things that you later end up regretting.
Feelings are the result of your thought patterns and how you perceive the world around you.
Listen carefully as I repeat this!
“It’s how you perceive determines how you feel!”
Feelings are not JUST emotions,but they are INTENSE emotions and urges and admitted,they are tough to handle if you have never restrained them.
HOW UNCONTROLLED FEELINGS CAUSE YOUR DETRIMENT
Unchecked and uncontrolled feelings can make you go haywire.You will do the things that you find ridiculous if you heard someone else did them.Not being able to concentrate at the task at hand because you are bugged by some other problem,excessive rumination,over-eating,buying expensive yet insignificant commodities, obsession about some person, etcetera are the by-products of inability to control your feelings.
Ever heard about a guy who failed in his exams because he couldn’t stop fantasizing about a girl? OR Ever read about a girl who cut her wrist open because she was abandoned by her boyfriend?These are the consequences of uncontrolled feelings gone extreme and ugly.Mastering your feelings today will pay huge dividends later in your life.By doing so, you will be able to focus in making your life awesome instead of fretting about things that seem significant but are of little worth.
WAYS TO PUT REIN OVER YOUR FEELINGS
There are two major ways I’m going to tell you–The Quick Fixes and The Permanent Fixes.
The Quick Fixes are just that-quick fix.They will provide immediate and temporary fix to handle the periods of intense emotions, but it will be ephemeral.
The Permanent Fixes will NOT alleviate you in the short run,but will bring you greater relief in the long run.You will no longer be dependent upon quick fixes to anchor you in the storm, rather,the self-control will become a part of you,installed in you and the calmness will be a default response.
Not what you expected? Breathing has a significant impact on the way you feel.Quick,shallow breaths will make you uneasy and nervous.Long and deep breaths will calm you down in the face of intense emotional periods. Whenever you find yourself in combat with a highly charged emotional event,stop and breath! Let the cool air enter you and vent you.
2- CHANGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY
Physiology is defined as the position and state of your body at a particular time and place.It is your body language.
This one is very effective.It is based on the scientific fact that your mind and body always stay congruent.What this means is that, if you are in a relaxed position,it’s very hard for the mind to feel tense, and if you are stressed then your body will exhibit that.You CANNOT be relaxed in your mind with a taut body language.Simply isn’t possible. Apply the same concept to feeling strong negative emotions.If you are feeling nervous and stressed,adopt a relaxed body language.Spread your arms wide open,relax yourself and smile.This works wonder.You will be astounded how different you feel after a few minutes,even when you are faking a smile.
We should be very grateful for the ability to visualize.This ability of the humans to create anything they want in their mind has achieved many a great feats.From the greatest inventions to the tallest monuments,all were created in the mind’s eye before taking the physical form.It is also highly applicable in the human psychology.From memorising academics to creating a better self- image,the skill is timeless and has proven itself yet again and again.
No wonder it does so well in calming you down.If you are in a suitable place and position,sit back and start visualizing yourself in a relaxed environment.Visualize yourself as vividly as possible in what you consider the most relaxing scenario.Feel the relaxation growing inside of you and spreading in every part of your body.Combine deep breathing with it to make it more efficient.Practice this for a few days and you will soon be able to do this anytime and anywhere.
4-COUNT TO 500
Whenever you catch yourself amidst the intense feelings and you suspect that you would do something insane,start counting to 500 in your mind.Your counts should be slow and spoken with elegance.
What this will do is buy you sometime to think twice or more about the action you are going to take and make better judgements about whether or not to indulge in the activity.Even though it doesn’t guarantee that you will make a better judgement of the situation,it is sure to increase the odds of you making the right choice as compared to the choices made on impulse.
THE PERMANENT FIXES
Let’s have a look at the permanent fixes now.Keep in mind though,these are NOT easy to implement nor will these yield quick results BUT will prove heavy armor for the future battle with the feelings.You MUST practice these religiously to yield results.
1-CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION
The best way to deal with the negative feelings is to NOT have them at all in the first place!
How is it possible?
If you want to change your feelings with respect to the circumstances that occur,you must change your perception about the events and about yourself.
To understand the concept a little better,let me exemplify it.Let’s say,you wanted to become an author and wrote a book.You go to a publishing company to get it published and out in the market.The officials at the publishing company read your book and tell you that your book is the worst book they have ever read.
Now,I ask you,how do you feel about the situation?
It depends on your perception about how you choose to view yourself and the event that occurred.To keep yourself on the track of progression,you need to perceive yourself in a certain way.You must have certain beliefs about yourself.How would you feel about the publishing company not accepting your book if you believed that “whatever I write is the best” and “every failure is an opportunity to do something better“?
“Hmm……” You think “Maybe these publishers have no clue that they are throwing away a book that is going to sell a million copies.”
Is this a devastating scenario?
Quite the opposite.You don’t feel bad about yourself and the negative charge from the situation is absent.
Another question,let’s say your girlfriend breaks up with you.
How do you feel about that?
Again,it depends.If you believe that you are no good and that your girlfriend was the best girl on the planet,then you are going to feel like an idiot.
If,on the other hand,you believe that “Iam an awesome guy” and “There are more gorgeous and smart girls out there,and my ex-girlfriend was not someone special“, how are you going to feel now?
It all comes down to what you choose to believe about yourself.
BELIEFS WHICH WILL HELP YOU
- Iam an able person and I can achieve whatever I want.
- Iam worthy of love and attention
- Iam complete in myself
- There are endless opportunities for me
- Iam worthy of all the wealth and riches the world has to offer
Write these down and read them everyday before you go to sleep and and the first thing you wake up in the morning to have them burned in your sub-conscious mind and you will soon start believing them.
Patience is a quality that is going to be of extreme importance in your life.Patience is also a very attractive quality because it sub-communicates that you are in control of the situation and are unmoved by the waves of hurdles. It is the ability to “hold yourself and wait“, so to speak.
•To keep your mouth shut and listen when someone is speaking
•To persist even if you fail
•To let go of the people that do not want to be a part of your life
•To accept the world as it is and not as you want it to be
•Knowing that you can handle whatever life throws at you.
Bottom line is,patience will give you more control over yourself.
HOW TO CULTIVATE PATIENCE
Patience comes from a mindset.What is the mindset,you ask.
Note it down because it is the key to patience:
Patience stems from the abundance mentality.
Abundance mentality is the one by virtue of which you believe that there is abundance or plenty of everything you desire in the world.Wealth,relationships,
Impatience will only occur when you think that there is a scanty of the resources you want so you will want to hold on to the limited resources that you possess.Patience is KNOWING that the planet has got everything in copious amount,and as a consequence, you become calm and composed.
Start reminding yourself daily about the unobstructed supply of the resources you wish to own.It is there and it wants you to have it all.
3-PRACTICE THE LOST ART OF STOICISM
Stoicism is the philosophy of the ancient Empire which put emphasis on logic and reasoning as a means to develop an understanding about the state of things and liberate from the shackles of distress.Nowadays,it is narrowed down to phrase- “Indifference to pain and pleasure”, which is not at all comprehensive and a lot of times incorrectly understood by the people.
It is NOT an act to put up for a show,but a philosophy,with extremely pragmatic and ground principles to live by. I cannot teach you the entire philosophy of stoicism in a post,because it is very dense.Read ‘Meditations’ written by the Roman Emperor ‘Marcus Aurelius’ to learn the crux of it.It is a very enlightening read.
“Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed.Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.”
” That every event is the right one. Look closely and you’ll see.”
-Marcus Aurelius (Meditations)
Practice stoicism and you will realise that it is a life-changing and,in some cases, life-saving.
There you have it.Practicing these techniques and mindsets will hand you greater power and control over yourself.Many times,the things will turn out even better than they were before.What your life demands is that you learn to behave more responsibly.
Until Next Time,