This post is the second part of the two-part “Tricks To Become Irresistible Confident” article series.You must read the first part of the series before you read this one.
Read the first part right here!
In the previous article,you were informed about how you can start being confident instantly with minimal efforts.Those were the things you could modify externally to appear more confident.
In this post,Iam going to unveil you certain practices that you can adopt which will MAKE you confident, and it will be bullet-proof.
Before we get started, I will be the first one to admit that the practices laid out in this post are a little harder to execute than the practices stated in the first article, and will take consistent effort from your part.But I assure you,that if you implement the techniques described here consistently on a daily basis for at least 21 days,the results will be life transforming.
Also keep in mind,this is not some dope sheet list that you read on the internet which tells you the things you already know.This is a fuckin’ goldmine and the information presented is backed by scientific research and behavioral therapy.
This is how you change.This is how you become mighty.This is the only path to lasting self confidence and unshakable belief in yourself.
But before we delve into the really good stuff of being super humanly confident,let’s deepen our understanding of confidence.
If you really take time to get to it’s roots,you will conclude that
there are TWO types of confidence-
•Base Level Confidence
Specific Confidence is the confidence you feel when you perform
something in which you are really good at.
So let’s assume you are good at dancing or singing,therefore,when someone asks you to sing or dance,you are going to feel confident doing it.You won’t hesitate or feel anxious,instead you would be eager and excited to showcase your talent to the world.You are passionate about it and you get thrilled when you sing or dance.You assume to be the best in it.The confidence you feel in this particular situation is explosive and I refer to it as Specific Confidence.
I don’t need to tell you how to increase specific confidence as it keeps on incrementing when you get better at what you are passionate about.
On the other hand,Base Level Confidence is the overall confidence that you happen to discharge through you throughout the day.
The confidence that seeps through every action of yours,whether you are proficient at it or not,is the base level confidence.
The goal,therefore is to increase the Base Level Confidence since you
exploit it every minute of every day.
Have a look at the diagram below:
The diagram represents the cycle of how our beliefs,behaviors and situations (outcomes) interact with one another.
Any change in your thought patterns begets an alteration in your actions which results in a different outcome which ultimately shapes your thoughts and the cycle keeps repeating itself.
Similarly,any change in your behavior will interrupt the situations and it will end up modifying your thoughts and the cycle will continue,and by the same token, any change in your situations changes your thoughts which then changes your actions and the cycle keeps on going.
What is the most effective way to change then?
Is it to start changing your thoughts?
Yes,but only if done in the right way.
Your current thought patterns are ingrained and hard-wired into your psychology,and it is a hard nut to crack reworking them if you do not employ effective ways to alter their patterns.Any other attempt to modify them would be an absolute course of futility.
I will show you the right ways later in the article the course of action that you must stroll on to, if you are serious about being a confident being.
Can you change your situations?
To some degree,yes you can.
Let’s say for example, if you are a motivated entrepreneurial guy but your friends are mismatch to your personality,you can change your social circle.You can also get out of an abusive relationship or even move to a new location.This will spark a change in your thoughts,and then your actions.
Emperors and rulers in ancient times were conditioned the same way.In order to make them feel like they were above everyone else,they were treated as such by everybody in their courts from a very young age.Every person was subservient to them and worshiped them.This had massive impact on the psychology of the emperor and he would start acting like he was the person of the utmost importance.
The nerd and geeky guys who land the jobs of CEO of a company immediately find themselves in the environment where everybody looks up to them and revere their words.Therefore,they soon develop a self image of a leader and morph into powerful personalities.
The best and the fastest way to transform your life is to change the course of your actions.
Your altered actions would result in different situations which would lead to different thoughts and the circular reaction begins and keeps on going.You don’t need any specialized knowledge to pursue an action which would lead to different outcome than your current situation and that,in consequence would lead to changed thoughts.
Enough of theories…let’s get into the practical ways you can become
a person of rock-solid confident from within.
ACT AS IF
The secret to confidence is BEING and NOT becoming.
You don’t have confidence if you try to BECOME confident…instead,you get confidence when you BE confident.
And that is where ‘Act As If‘ comes into play.
Yeah I get it…I got you confused.
Let me explain.
The Way Of The Sub-Conscious Mind
The deal with your sub-conscious mind is that,if you TRY to become something,it automatically assumes that you are NOT it.The practices of becoming further deteriorates the condition and paves ways further into…you guessed it,becoming!
Let’s say,you are not confident and you try to become confident by adopting practices like ‘thinking positive‘ or ‘killing negative thoughts‘,the end result will be you getting stressed because you can’t forever control your mind unless you are a monk living an ascetic lifestyle on the Himalayas.
Better approach to the situation is ‘Acting As If‘.
Start acting as if you are confident.
Ask yourself this question- “How would I behave if I were an extremely confident person?“Then execute whatever actions come to mind.Do not judge…just act,because you already know how to be confident.You are just scared to be it.
Act as if you possess unshakable confidence.
Drop all the judgement about yourselves,and portray the persona of the kind of confident person your mind tells you to be.
Ask yourself the question and ignorantly,yes ignorantly begin acting the part.
This technique has its roots in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and CBT is the most effective therapy used nowadays to eliminate unwanted behavioral patterns such as phobias and incorporate new and healthy beliefs and behaviors in a person.
Don’t try to become confident.Act like you already are confident.
“How would I act if I were the most confident person I knew? What would I speak? How would I speak? How would I stand,walk,move and dress?“
Through out the day,ask yourself these questions and start acting upon the conclusions your mind draws.
You can even extend this technique to the way you interpret the situations in your life.
Remember this-Every situation in life is subjected to interpretation.Every–single–one–of–them.
Whenever some event occurs that you think is tragic,ask yourself-“How would I perceive this situation if I were the most confident person I knew? How can I improve this situation?“
Pretend and act like a fuckin badass.Listen to Muhammad Ali if you
don’t believe me:
“To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you’re not, pretend you are.”
A WORD ABOUT QUESTIONS:
Questions are very important.Even more important task is to ask the right questions.
When you ask the right questions,you get the right answers.
When you ask yourself “Why such horrible things always happen to me?” you are definetely going to come up with the answers to back that up.Funny thing is,if you ask a question like “What did I learn from this experience?How can I make my approach better to not make the same mistake again?“,your brain is going to figure out some really useful things.
Same situation,different conclusions.
Really,ask yourself this-“Why do I suck at almost everything?” and see what it does to your mood.
On the same note,ask yourself-“Why am I a badass at everything I do?” Contemplate on this question for 5-10 minutes and watch your brain come up with the evidences from your past to prove it to you.
You interpret the situations in your life not by what really happens but how you actually WANT things to happen.
It’s what you believe that you see.
The process of asking the questions like -“Why am I a winner at everything?” turns this phenomenon in your favor.You begin interpreting things the way you want and thus you solidify belief in yourself and your abilities.
Make better use of the machine called brain.Remember the saying that mind is a perfect slave but a terrible master?It’s true to the extent you can’t imagine.
Your head,not your heart rules your life.
START SPEAKING YOUR MIND
Another technique to be more confident is to start thinking out loud. You must start speaking your mind unapologetically.
People will not respect you if you try to not rock the boat and fit in.People respect you when they realize that you speak your mind and that you do not give a rat’s ass about what they think about you.
And by the way,there is always a way to say anything and everything.You can get away saying some really ridiculous things if you speak it in a playful way.If you are comfortable saying something,it will not be taken as a big deal by others as well.Have you ever said to someone-“I just wasted 20 minutes of my life talking
I have.To a girl I just met.
Did she get angry and slapped me?
No.She started laughing hysterically.
When you speak your mind,you make yourself vulnerable.
Vulnerability is attractive because a person who is weak from within can never be confident enough to expose his opinions to the masses. When you speak your mind,you put yourself on the line,so to speak.You expose yourself to the criticisms,judgments and sarcasm of others and this portrays confidence.
Vulnerability is confidence.
Start speaking your mind.Yes,you may and WILL offend some people until you learn to calibrate but after a little practice it’s a smooth sail and you will be one bad-ass who says whatever the hell he wants.
FEEL THE FEAR AND ACT ANYWAYS
Let’s get this demon out of the way once and for all.
I define fear as strong,unpleasant and uncontrollable emotion as a result of actual or perceived threat.
I seriously doubt ethologists (guys who study human and animal behavior) would disagree with me on my definition of fear.
As you can observe in the definition,fear is stated as unpleasant and
uncontrollable feeling as a of actual or perceived threat.
Turn your focus on the two words- uncontrollable and perceived.
Fear is an uncontrollable feeling.Period.
That means everybody feels it and nobody is immune to feeling fear one time or another in a particular situation.Yes not even Bruce Wayne.
The true test to one’s courage is acting despite the fear.
Think about it,if you cannot control the fear,the only option you have left is to face it and act inspite of the fright you feel.If not that, you can always put your head in the sand and pretend everything’s alright.Just don’t scream when you get shot in the ass.
The second word-perceived threat.
Most of the threats you feel on a day to day basis are actually perceived threat.Real threats are when you could be harmed physically or damaged financially in some way.All the other threats are perceived and exaggerated versions of our fears.
When you realize that most of the fear is actually not going to cause tangible harm to you,and start acting even when you feel like peeing in your pants,you are being confident.
What are some situations that strike fear in you?
›Dressing in a new fashion
›Refusing to help someone,saying ‘No’ to them
›Confronting your loved ones for the behaviour that you either find
inappropriate or offensive
›Stating your opinion assertively
›Asking someone you like out on a date
›Travelling alone to new places
›Cracking jokes because you are afraid that it might fall flat.
These are some of the situations which will not result in any physical injury or financial misfortune whatsoever, yet your physio psychological response to these situations is the same as the actual threat.
Start exposing yourself to these fears.The only way you are going to realise that most of your fears are the figment of your imaginations is by facing them,and when you realize that,you will learn to take risks more often.The people who rule, are the ones who take more risks than the average joes.
No risks,No rewards.Simple as that.
SET GOALS AND ACHIEVE THEM
Nothing is going to boost your confidence in yourself like setting some real tangible goals and accomplishing them.You can sit,pray or think positive all you want but it pales in comparison to the amount of confidence you gain by hitting the bird’s eye.
If you think you can grow your confidence by letting the grass grow
under your feet,good luck is all I want to say to you.
Here’s what I want you to do:Get a piece of paper out and set some
goals for yourself.
What is it that you lack at most?Academics?Finance?
A man who chases two rabbits catches none.
It is also important that you set a deadline for yourself for achieving the fixed goal.When you have a defined goal with a deadline you get motivated from within to accomplish that goal.
“A Goal Is A Dream With A Deadline.”
When you had set a goal with a deadline,it’s time for the battle.When you win the battle,you gain confidence and feel like somebody.
It’s a great feeling to experience.
LABEL SITUATIONS DIFFERENTLY
This is one of the coolest tricks you are ever going yo get your hands on.
Begin labelling the sitautions you find yourself less confident in,differently.
Labelling situations mean putting a tag of a feeling or emotion to a particular situation.
What do you feel when you think about giving a speech infront of a mass?
You see, labeling the above situation as frightful,fearful or anxiety inducing is going to alter your psychology about how you are going to handle it.You blow life into the situation when you label it.Therefore,you must be cautious about the label you put on different situations in your life.
So instead of labeling a situation as “apprehensive“,call it “exciting“.
What label you put on something extreme like paragliding?
Label it as “Adventurous“!
Do this for every situation in your life that you find yourself
struggling to deal with.
Once you change the label of a situation you will start reacting very differently to it.The phenomenon is very similar to the concept of Frames and Framing in terms of NLP (Google it after you are done reading this article) .It is a very potent tool and you will be amazed how malleable your reality is and how quickly and easily you can change your view,and hence your reactions to certain circumstances just because you put a different label on them.
(Note: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) area very comprehensive field which could take a huge chunk of your time to master, therefore I recommend you to skip it.It’s extremely tough to learn the intricacies of the system in painstaking details without a certified professional.)
So the next time you find yourself in an “uncomfortable” situation,label it as “relaxing” and watch the magic happen.
STOP LISTENING TO SAPPY SONGS
For fuck’s sake,erase all the sappy and emotional songs from your I-Pod, music player,Walkman,cellphone or anything which you use for listening songs.
If you listen nothing but songs that contain lyrics like “Iam nothing without you” or “I better be dead than stay away from you…” then honestly,you better be dead than expiring more oxygen from this planet.
Listen to songs that motivate,uplift and fire you up rather than bringing you down.If the first thing you listen when you get up in the morning is listen ‘All By Myself’,prepare yourself for a lousy day ahead.
It sounds stupid that something as silly as a song would damage your confidence and your self-esteem but believe me,it deters your
psychology to a great degree.
Instead of listening low-energy pathetic songs,better listen to a motivational audio or an audio-book about financial success or literature.I like reading books…a lot! When audio-books came into vogue,I thought I wouldn’t like them at all.There is nothing that could replace the touch of paper and immense wisdom that I soak from a good softcover book in the comfort of my living room.But when I gave audio-books a try,man,I liked them even more,let me tell you.It feels as if the guru himself is speaking to you,imparting all his knowledge to you like an elder brother.The best thing is,you can listen to it anytime you want! I listen to them laying on my bed at night before sleeping and while travelling.It is a perfect companion.
What if you are a music person and really like listening songs?
Well then listen to songs that cheer you up.Some good songs are:
?I Made It (Kevin Rudolf)
?Written In Stars (Tinie Timpah)
?Invincible (Machine Gun Kelly)
?Lose Yourself (Eminem)
You can find a bunch of them,just Google the goddamn thing up.
You become what you feed your brain,so feed it with good and uplifting thoughts.
Your mind is like a fertile ground.You can either sow the seed which will provide great fruits or you can let the weeds take hold of it.
Minimize the negative influences in your life in every possible way.
Talking about minimizing the negativity from your life reminds me of one of the most essential and possibly toughest of all points:
GET RID OF PEOPLE WHO PUT YOU DOWN
That’s it.No ‘if’, ‘and’ or ‘buts.’
If you suffer from lack of self-confidence, then there must be sources that are jabbing holes in your confidence tank everyday.The source(s) could be one of the followings:
»Your lack of success in finance,fitness or relationships.
»Negativity from the media (The songs and sitcoms and tear-jerking movies).
»The people who make fun of you or put you down every fuckin day.
Since we already covered how to tackle situation number one and two,it’s time to face the third situation-getting rid of the people who ridicule you and plummet your self confidence.
These people have no interest whatsoever in helping you or even supporting you in your endeavours.They are there to mock you and call your efforts “worthless“, “stupid” or “weird“.These are the same people who have achieved nothing but fake appreciation from their ‘friends’ who sit around pooping in their pants.
You either don’t listen to them or get rid of them.
If you have a thin skin and are easily influenced by the tongues of other people,it’s in your best interest to boycott the group that mortify you and your ambitions.
I once met a guy who told me that blogging is the ultimate act of stupidity.I write my articles and upload them in the afternoon of the day.
Wanna know what he does in the afternoon?
I guess I’m better off being stupid and blogging than being an ‘intellect’ like him and wasting my precious time sleeping.
You need to find people that make you happy and push you towards success when you don’t feel like moving ahead.They are rare yes, and in a crowd of fifty people,you will only find one such person.
They are hard to find,but it’s worth it.
You also need to become someone who helps others achieve THEIR dreams.This is reciprocated by the other person and a bond of caring and empathy is formed between both of you.
“If you run around with 9 losers pretty soon you’ll be the 10th loser.”
Okay,the final ingredient to unbreakable confidence is to expect success.
If you expect that you are going to lose it before even stepping into the battle,then not surprisingly,you–will–lose.
Expecting success acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy and prepares you for any challenge that you take, with vital force.
Research has proven that expecting success ramps up the success rate in real life and the people who expect success do a whole lot better than the people who are unsure about themselves or those who expect to fall on their faces.
Whenever you aim,always assume that you are going to hit a bulls-eye.
Of course this does not guarantee that you will always be successful but it’s atleast better than you assuming that you will slip before you reach the top.Who wants to believe that shit?
I certainly don’t.
Alright guys,this concludes the two part series of the “Secrets To Irresistible Confidence”.
By now you have learnt enough techniques to master your confidence in the ways you never thought possible.
Keep in mind the old saying-“Looks like a duck,sounds like a duck,acts like a duck…must be duck.“
You must look,sound and act like a confident person to be it.
I also do know for a fact that only one percent of the total population reading this material is actually going to put it into practice.The rest 99 percent are going to call it bullshit and move on to another blog or website for another piece of article.Some of you reading this are only here for entertainment purposes,and that’s fine.You people just increased my blog’s traffic.
Decide your category.
Are you one of the 99 percent who think they are too smart and already confident and move back to their Facebook profile
Do you belong to the tiny one percent of the people,who actually do take action and going to revolutionarise your life.
Don’t just read it…act upon it.
If you enjoyed the article,help it spread by liking and sharing it.Also subscribe to our mailing list and catch more articles like this one which will help you lead a better life.
Until Next Time,